The Self-connection process

Recently, I was reminded of this quote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor E. Frankl.

Sometimes in the classroom (or in home life) we can be taken by surprise or triggered by something someone does or says, that doesn’t work for us. How do we take the space, so that we can respond effectively in those situations? A tool I find useful to help me get to a place where I can respond according to my values, has been named the self-connection process by John Kinyon and Ike Lasater. They suggest returning to self-connection when experiencing the intensity of conflict so that we can be responsive in these challenging moments.

The self-connection process:

  1. Breath - slow and deepen your breath.

  2. Body - notice the sensations in your body.

  3. Needs - ask yourself what needs you would like to have met now, or what is important to you right now.

From here, you can choose the action that you predict will best meet your needs e.g expressing yourself, or empathising to help you understand how it is for the other person.

If you’d like to know more, check out ‘Mediate Your Life’ by John Kinyon and Ike Lasater, the book or the website.


Sabrina Nagel